something about myself being an Aquarian..

I am a born revolutionary so no one can tell me how to live my life (absolutely right)
My clear-cut approach makes it perfectly clear just how differently I wish to experience life(maybe yes)
I just don’t want to be like others and take pride in the fact that I am so unique (is that y i am the extra)
I'd far prefer to be self-sufficient rather than being a sheep in society who follows everyone else’s lead ( this is what i'd love to do)
If I am not able to live my life on my own terms, I’ll dream and aspire to a future time when I can fulfil my destiny to the fullest, inexactly the way I want (can anyone help me in this?? cheeky fella myself)
I have very inspirational views of the world and even if my opinions are too different, I’ll always be respected for speaking my mind honestly because I have great organisational and communication skills and I work really well with others (too many pts n i am not sure!!!)
I have my own ideas and solutions to problems ( maybe dat the reason y probs are created)
I am investigative, curious and extremely active mentally
My thinking mind rarely, if ever, stops (another issue to deal with)
I need to learn when to shut down as my brain can become overactive, especially at night (now u know y i am blogging at this hour)
I am vigorous in the way I present my ideas so there’s never a dull moment around me ( maybe you can comment on this as i find myself dull at times)
There’s often someone who wants to challenge me, especially if they happen to have a much more conventional way of doing things (haha, may i know who?)
I'll be more than happy to challenge and taking that great pleasure in proving them wrong (this is my true self though, dun start scolding me, k? mm, now I can see a smile on your face)
I find it difficult to uphold relationships with those who aren’t prepared to evolve in the same way as myself ( this is the latest that I'm facing)
My rigid opinions bring me into disagreement with others (hmm yeah, dats rite, so anyone can support me willingly...?? better dun run off..... :)
Although I appear aloof and detached I am inwardly sensitive and caring (right to a certain part, maybe the ppl who r close 2 me r aware of this)
I prefer to associate with people who share the same diverse views on life (first is none other than b, at least I've found one...)
My life will almost certainly never be drab n dat is why I'll always be young at heart ( i AM n I wish to continue that)

these r some things about myself which i've learn to come to know and others r still BEING HIDDEN. i shall uncover them as i walk past my life...

becoming more of a pulavar now, better learn to shut my mouth...

weekend was good n was with fateen most of the time. tension has not gone yet completely. had a very bad headache yesterday...thought i am gonna freak out...received some good advice n some unexpected qn from b. has given me some new angles to think of... i still dun understand y i am the extra n can't able to get hold of the fact... ppl say life is a circle n yeah i understand that but how i wish to get out from that connector...

oh yeah, asked casually to my musketeers if they have ever thought of being single. They replied in one sentence how they wish to... i laughed inside,,, how selfish can i get...

gonna doze off............ hubby was earlier telling me about the benefits of a good night sleep. nvm, poor him,, so much tired, let him have one... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz

has been doing a bit of soul searching last few days n contemplating on the choices made. was quite stressed out, a bit of tension here n there... was having back pains... this stupid pain always starts when i go mom's place n she starts lecturing me to see doc. i just can't stand going clinics n hate esp when they give so much medicine.i just dump them away after 2-3 days n i find it a waste to go..

last 2 weeks had gone great. talked to sara after so long n it was nice talking to him.exchanged apologies n i am missing the school days n enjoyment esp when we went to v central with sheikh. dunno wat is sheikh doing now though. heard from sara about BEE, not sure of its true. it would have been nice if i hv heard abt it during schooling. btw,talked to vino n said sorry to him. he is telling coolly that he has gotten over everything... he was the only guy whom i never talked much in the class... hmm enough of that now.....

have started talking more n freely to boss last few days. he is always motivating me, pushing me forward...talked lots abt life, being single, responsibilities n worries as well. he's been kind enough to listen to all my blah blahs.. he loves to travel n wanna go trekking. hope he'll find some time to fulfil his wishes.. i would love to travel but have to wait till haleel is stable at his workplace..was telling him the other day dat we should go some resort n spend time. he replies me asking should we spend n go all the way there just to rest... i am not a shopaholic n i would love to spend my time reading n sleeping in one comfort cocoon alone.. a bit of day dreamer (influenced maybe by the books dat i've read)a tiny bit of nature lover n would like to explore but i get allergic seeing all the insects. i am scared of them. if cats n lizards r to surround me, i think that will be the last day for me in earth. get a bit of goosebumps when i am around these creatures.

b gives me good advice n tells me to look out for myself than OTHERS . insha allah,i'll work my way out to achieve this. it will take quite sometime for me to adjust but i hope time will guide me. went out lunch with him n other musketeers yesterday. he's carefree but at the same time tensed coz of me... i hate dat... i am pulling him in my worries n i can't digest dat. just pray that i am leading the right path.. have constant worries abt him n wonder at times, y i am like dat. y can't i be like the other staffs?? even my musketeers r not worrying so much. y am i being the eXtra?? hope i won't go psychic or something....

hating ME, hating MYSELF, hating RIFAYA......

will hate myself more if anything were to happen to him... i know how hard he works n how much he's sacrificed! ya allah, please bless him...

was thinking about single me n what would i have done if i were still single
> rent out a room n stay wif gals > study for a degree > work part time maybe giving tuition or @ pizza hut > see parents once a while > go out wif guy frens to field trips or so >

isn't it a bit too much??? but nice to think though.. oh yeah, guy frens r always the best to share our views. we gals tend to be a bit jealous talking to each other n when we r to express our views wif guy, they understand it better n it's easier for us to interact!

:) thinking about Prison of Tehran now... gtg....

three musketeers.........

Temperament
Idealist
You are the quintessential dreamer - spending more time thinking about the possibilities that the world holds for you, rather than your reality. You don't settle for anything less than what you truly desire and you work very hard. You tend to live in every place except the present - you are prone to daydreaming about the future and re-thinking the choices you made in the past. Sometimes you get overly caught up in your thoughts.

Interests
Simple
You are continually pursuing a simpler and less complicated life - you don't allow yourself to fall victim to all of the "should do's" that society continually bombards you with. You are thoughtful about your life choices and think in terms of yourself, others and the world in which we live. You have a great sense that we are part of something much bigger and we must be good to others, if we want others and the world to be good to us.

Amusement
Thoughtful
You are easily stressed out and overwhelmed - you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Because you tend to be self reflective, you know your limits quite well and must remember to not exceed those limits. When you overwhelm your life with obligations and responsibilities, you tend to shut down and go into yourself even further. Take some time to find your serenity and kick back your feet.

Passion
Emotional
For you passion is less about romance and sex - it's more about friendship and family. Strong emotional bonds and connections are your passion and your pleasure. You always let your loved ones know how much you love, respect and admire them. You do this through kind words, loving actions and simple gestures. You count your blessings each day and express your love openly. You expect the same from others.

NO REGRETS

this has been what i am telling myself all along. But there are some exceptional days. Today is one of them... everything had been going well in the morning. me, fad n siti even took a photo together... will post it soon...

there's a shipment to be prepared for one thai cust and i reminded the ppl about it. They said coolly that they have not prepared. And I asked, since you guys started yesterday, y aren't you all finishing it. one told me that he has left for home early the previous day n dunno what to do. The other told me that there might be some duplicate items n boss asked to put off. i asked him whether boss was really the one who asked to put off. he just kept quiet. i was so confused n i dunno how to make them understand about the urgency. the funny thing in this is that the creep which i'd mentioned earlier hadn't even come to the office till then. he's so called a manager who cares only to complain about ppl. frankly, i believe he has no qualities to be called a manager. he's no organisational skills and compared to my earlier manager, he's nothing but a chamelone. he likes to twist his words n if u r to speak to him continuously for 15 min, you'll soon wonder y u came there in the first place. he concerns about money and money only n he's not a good hand to let handle money. i've experienced that once n hope that's the end of it...

mm, so much to talk about him. None in the office like him. hey, no... i know two,three ppl who likes to be ard him. i better stop writing about him.... feels so eeriieeeeeeeeeeee.

my boss came in to the office n found out that nothing has happened. he's so tensed up. i just hate anyone to give him tension as soon as he comes in n that includes myself.. i feel so useless when he's tensed n was cursing inside. when he called the ppl inside, they were taking it in such a relaxed manner. i dun understand these ppl. coz of this, i was stressed up!!!!!!!! was in no mood to eat... tension boiling over all along.... feel so USELESS.... can i act as though no care in the world? i wanted to do something. if anyone has given me the permission, i'll be shouting my orders straight away.... vulgar words will be coming out, i think.. wonder who will listen though.... even at this time, i am still thinking about it n one of my colleague suggested earlier to go for a holiday n cool myself...

i think even if i were to go, i'll be still thinking about the probs at work. last few nights, were dreaming about office n work. am i being very emotional? i guess so!!! is being a sec the worst job in the world??? so far, i don't find any flaws in my boss or his works BUT dunno whether i am upto his standard... dats another worry though! my staying.. good or bad??? i still have second thoughts... oopssssssss............