has been doing a bit of soul searching last few days n contemplating on the choices made. was quite stressed out, a bit of tension here n there... was having back pains... this stupid pain always starts when i go mom's place n she starts lecturing me to see doc. i just can't stand going clinics n hate esp when they give so much medicine.i just dump them away after 2-3 days n i find it a waste to go..

last 2 weeks had gone great. talked to sara after so long n it was nice talking to him.exchanged apologies n i am missing the school days n enjoyment esp when we went to v central with sheikh. dunno wat is sheikh doing now though. heard from sara about BEE, not sure of its true. it would have been nice if i hv heard abt it during schooling. btw,talked to vino n said sorry to him. he is telling coolly that he has gotten over everything... he was the only guy whom i never talked much in the class... hmm enough of that now.....

have started talking more n freely to boss last few days. he is always motivating me, pushing me forward...talked lots abt life, being single, responsibilities n worries as well. he's been kind enough to listen to all my blah blahs.. he loves to travel n wanna go trekking. hope he'll find some time to fulfil his wishes.. i would love to travel but have to wait till haleel is stable at his workplace..was telling him the other day dat we should go some resort n spend time. he replies me asking should we spend n go all the way there just to rest... i am not a shopaholic n i would love to spend my time reading n sleeping in one comfort cocoon alone.. a bit of day dreamer (influenced maybe by the books dat i've read)a tiny bit of nature lover n would like to explore but i get allergic seeing all the insects. i am scared of them. if cats n lizards r to surround me, i think that will be the last day for me in earth. get a bit of goosebumps when i am around these creatures.

b gives me good advice n tells me to look out for myself than OTHERS . insha allah,i'll work my way out to achieve this. it will take quite sometime for me to adjust but i hope time will guide me. went out lunch with him n other musketeers yesterday. he's carefree but at the same time tensed coz of me... i hate dat... i am pulling him in my worries n i can't digest dat. just pray that i am leading the right path.. have constant worries abt him n wonder at times, y i am like dat. y can't i be like the other staffs?? even my musketeers r not worrying so much. y am i being the eXtra?? hope i won't go psychic or something....

hating ME, hating MYSELF, hating RIFAYA......

will hate myself more if anything were to happen to him... i know how hard he works n how much he's sacrificed! ya allah, please bless him...

was thinking about single me n what would i have done if i were still single
> rent out a room n stay wif gals > study for a degree > work part time maybe giving tuition or @ pizza hut > see parents once a while > go out wif guy frens to field trips or so >

isn't it a bit too much??? but nice to think though.. oh yeah, guy frens r always the best to share our views. we gals tend to be a bit jealous talking to each other n when we r to express our views wif guy, they understand it better n it's easier for us to interact!

:) thinking about Prison of Tehran now... gtg....