was thinking about what to start with and remembered the above book that i've read in primary school. yeah, here am I worrying myself again.... can i immerse in a pool of tears... but i know that crying will not relieve the probs that i am facing. i am too strong to cry out....
sometimes i wish i can die but i know that i am not a coward to adhere to this stupid thought. mom still dun understand me. she keeps on asking me y should i further my studies... she tells me that i've gotten married, have a kid, start up a family already... then wat is the reason to study...i told her straight that since she has not wanted me to study once i have finished my O, i have a passion build up in me then to keep on studying... more of a rebellious thought.. i juz love studying. have to ask grandma why she name me rIfAyA for... rifaya means brilliance and i do regret y i have not failed so far... mm, failed my sci paper at psle but still managed to get a good aggregate. .. am one of the very few to get distinctions in all my modules in my diploma.. even managed to pass my cat papers at first sitting..so far, no one from home had congratulated me on this... i dun wanna complain but this is a fact. feels so bad to write all this but i think i have to vent out on my blog..............
asked mom if any of her sons wish to study, would she have let? she says absolutely. then y am i not given the same priority... izzit coz i am a gal... ain't i supposed to have any dreams of my own... if the rest dun wanna study, it's their business. i dun interfere in their works and neither do i wish them to interfere in mine... does she think that i will be greedy once i study n earn more... i assure myself that i am not those type. i am a career minded girl but i know i'll never let anyone down... i hate the materialistic world.. i think she has thought about my guy who has not studied much and thinks that he may feels inferior if i were to keep on studying.... i am not a headstrong gal n i will never make him feel such... if i had this kinda thought earlier, y would i have married him.... he's too lovable... maybe he dun fully understand me now but i know we will come to love each other as the way we are.
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2 comments:
please focus yourself, cry but with courage, it make encourage to success, please nice to mother donot to be rude and hurt her, please get blessing from her, it will make you more success. please ask her to treat as same level as
your brothers. I feel little bit guilt you always send sms to me your passes in your exams but no
comments but my heart always says this girl can do it, anyway now very very late express my joy and Obsolete to salute u for past and your future success.
i hate the materialistic world I like it but you still need some kind of materialistic to surive
had i sound so pathetic in my post? u dun hv to feel guilty. just wanna vent out dat nite and i have actually saved it for a few days b4 posting.. will try to be nice to mom. she's damn good but only dun understand at times...
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